So I'm having a rather disjointed conversation (the only kind of conversation I ever have) with and he mentions a drug problem in his local area involving calamine. As in the skin lotion Calamine.

That caught me interest. Instantly and in a flash (Unnecessary adverb, or just my own bit of style YOU DECIDE!) I was transported. I got this image of a Snoop Dog looking fellow calling to you from a corner.

"Psst! Whaz up Snidizzle! I some of the hard stuff, bro. Calamine, awwww yeazzz. This stuff gaRAUNteed to make dat bitchin' skin SMOOTH!"

But then the police all pulls up Blue Brothers style crashing into each other, rolling out, guns slung out, helicopter hovering just above, snipers on hold, and Snoop Dog guy's all like "For REALLZZZ?!?!?!" SHIT DAWG! DAT MESSED UP! PO PO DUN CAUGHT MY JIG! ALL in my BIZ 'n' shi- FOR REALZ"

And the police guys all like "PUT DOWN THE CALAMINE! WE DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU, BUT WE WILL OPEN FIRE ON YOUR ASS!"

And Snoop Dog guys all panicking and begins to reach for something and the police guys all like "SON! PUT DOWN THE LOTION! NOBODY HAS TO GET HURT! C'MON SON!

But Snoop Dog guy is still reaching for something, and this continues to freak out the police officers

"SON! THINK OF YOUR LIFE! PUT DOWN THE LOTION! I WILL NOT ASK YOU AGAIN! PUT DOWN THE LOTION!"

Snoop Dog guy still reaches

BAM! BAM! BAM! CHAOS! PANIC! BLOOD! ORGANS! AL! GORE!

The walls are dampened with Snoop Dog guys blood, as his jaw hangs by little more than a string of muscle, his head looking similar to that of a watermelon that had recently been smashed.

The camera quickly cuts to a scene with a small child asking is clearly distraught mother when dad will be home. She replies "Soon, my baby boy, soon" The camera pans to reveal a picture frame with Snoop Dog guy holding his son and smiling.

Camera cuts back to the crime scene. The police are packing up. The officer who had been yelling earlier walks up to examine Snoop Dog guys hand to see what he had been grabbing. He holds Snoop Dog guys hand and finds a badge! Snoop Dog Guy had been an undercover agent the whole time! The police officer walks away, sullen. Looking behind, he says as the screen fades to black.

"Well... at least he had smooth skin... the poor bastard."

END.


Now just after that, he corrected me, stating he said "Ketamine" not "Calamine". The difference being that Ketamine is a steroid for race horses, whereas Calamine is something that will only get you shot in my imaginary world.

In short, I'm out of subscription, and conversations with me are less eventful than those in my brain.